DON'T
by Shadokin
Summary: 'It was bizarre to think about. She hadn't changed since this morning, but how could she stay the same? ' Victoria reflects on what she did. [Bad End Episode 2, no spoilers for Episode 3]


**A/N: Written to deal with my feelings after I finished episode two the first time; cleaned it up and decided to post it before heading out to play episode 3.**

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The night had arrived too quickly. Victoria tried to keep distracted, but found herself at her computer, that stupid video on display and wondering what the fuck she had done.

It wasn't her fault. How was she to know Kate was messed up enough to—

She closed the video and pushed away from her desk. She needed to get some air, but it was past curfew, and administration would be on high alert for any students wandering around campus.

Then a trip to the bathroom at least, just to stretch her legs. Nathan had long since left her room, and being cooped up alone was only making her irritable.

Victoria stepped out into the hall, and her eyes immediately fell on the sad face drawing next to Max's door. She had been up there, on the roof with Kate. No one could see her, not even from back where Victoria and Taylor were standing. And after… Victoria didn't keep track. With the police, the principal. However these things go down.

She walked to the bathroom, hesitated at the door, then turned the other way and headed to the showers. Pushing open the door to find the place empty Victoria walked over to the sink, resting her hands at the counter. Even the click of her nails against the ceramic material was grating.

The mirror above was the one she scribbled the link on in lipstick. Now it was just red smeared, but was it when… Victoria shook her head. She reached for some paper towels and wiped away the remains from the mirror.

It was bizarre to think about. She hadn't changed since this morning, but how could she stay the same? She couldn't shake the guilt, not that she should've, but shit, how was she supposed to _know_?

Kate had gone to the party. That was her choice. And then she was throwing herself to anyone that would catch her. It's not like it was an unheard story: the kid from the strict family away from home, cutting loose for the first time. It was just the denial afterwards that was so ridiculous.

And then Zachary burst into the classroom and everything spiraled in the opposite direction.

Victoria didn't know how to process the tears. One rolled down her cheek, and then a second when she blinked. She wiped them off and that was it.

When she couldn't stand there any longer, Victoria went back into the hallway. She slowed down, not wanting to pass the door for the room next to hers for the second time. Kate Marsh's things were in there. Victoria didn't know what sort of things that entailed, but now they belonged to no one.

Her heart hammered in her chest. God, what had she done?

Too awake to return to her room, Victoria put her hand on Kate Marsh's door knob and went inside.

"Max?"

She was sitting on the bed, looking ahead with a face too dark for Victoria to read. She squinted her eyes.

"I don't want the lights on Victoria."

Victoria paused, the sentence, "At least don't sit here in the dark." on the tip of her tongue, ready to hit the light switch. With everything else that happened that day, having Max sounding like she knew was Victoria was about to do was jarring. She crossed her arms, hands touching her elbows and didn't know what to say.

Max gestured to the cage in the room.

"I was going to take her out… but Kate said there's a specific way to hold rabbits and I don't know—I don't know how."

Her voice had gone hoarse midway, and Victoria took out her phone without a word. The room was quiet while Victoria clicked on a link and read through the steps.

"Alright, let's do this." She said. "I'm closing the door though. Last thing we need is for her to get out in the middle of the night."

"Won't happen." Max said, still not meeting he eyes as she stood from the bed. "But okay."

She sounded confident, but Victoria closed the door anyway. She rolled her eyes and took Max through the steps, who in no time was holding the rabbit in her arms, cradling it close to her body. Her head was bowed down, watching the rabbit and pressing her lips together again and again.

Victoria felt like an intruder in more ways than one, which she was. Tucking her phone away, she watched Max still like she was in limbo and this was her punishment for all of eternity.

"Max." She started, words bubbling out without thinking them through. She didn't know she needed to think them through. Her mouth opened, and Max looked to her for the first time with a flare, eyes shining and visible tear streaks on her cheeks.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

It was too late to take it back, but Victoria could see the tension in Max's face, even in the dark room she could see how her skin grew red and she bean blinking too much. Victoria's apology didn't mean anything. It didn't matter now, not after, not when it could do nothing to change what happened.

"You need to delete the video." Max said. Victoria tried to hold back her sigh, felt like she should've know that Max would make such an unreasonable request.

"And how exactly do you purpose I do that?" She asked her, unable to put up a fight.

"Not the… not that," Max said. "The one you took today. Outside the dormitory."

The video that showed Kate on the roof. Victoria closed her eyes, and it washed over her that she was standing in the room of the girl who threw herself off the roof.

She couldn't help but glance around at that thought, but without the lights on there wasn't much she could see—except the covered mirror. Her initial thoughts were that Kate might've set up her room to look as gloom and doom as possible to cover her night time personality, but then she remembered. Kate fell.

"Sure, okay." Victoria muttered. Max petted the rabbit again, taking a few more strokes before putting her back into the cage.

"Thanks." Max said. Victoria pursed her lips, her brows pulling together as she couldn't help but think she shouldn't say anymore. But the air was terribly awkward, the both of them standing in Kate's room, neither knowing what to say.

Max, even under the shadows, looked filled with grief. It made so much sense. She was one of the few friends Kate had. It went both ways there.

Max walked across the room, ignoring Victoria's eyes following her as she picked up a book from the floor, The October Country, and stared for a long time at the cover.

Her shoulders were shaking. The crying didn't take long to follow, and when it couldn't be silenced anymore, Victoria did the first thing that came to mind. She stepped closer to Max, lifting a hand and putting it to her shoulder. Max ducked her face away, trying to contain her outburst, but the sounds grew louder, and she hugged the book to her chest.

"I was supposed to save her."

Victoria was quiet.

"I wanted to, I tried… but I couldn't. It's not fair."

Tears were casually falling from Max's face, and under other circumstances Victoria saw herself berating Max, ready to find out what was hurting her and rub it into her face to make it worse. She was probably doing that already, just by standing before her. But now Max was crying and she didn't know how to leave without being a bigger asshole than she already was.

So she waited. Let Max cry. The sound might've carried into the hallway, but Kate's room was between hers and the bathrooms, and Max wasn't one of those really loud criers so she should be safe from being heard by the rest of the dorm.

Victoria was able to lead Max back to the bed. Sat down next to her with an arm around her shoulder. She thought about calling Taylor for backup, but that really helped her more than Max, and she had enough sense to know it wasn't about her.

Max held onto that book in her arms like a lifeline, and every time the crying began to fade another way hit. Victoria then thought about forcing Max to walk with her, thinking the administration would see the way she was and be glad Victoria hadn't let her walk alone… but then she remembered that involved stepping out to the scene of the crime.

Dana, Stella, and Alyssa had gotten the memorial together, and soon enough all the girls had come to sign it. Victoria didn't know if she should've, but Taylor and Courtney did. No one said anything to her about it. Everyone felt guilty.

Max was tense under her arm. Victoria was uncomfortable, being so close to this girl she picked on, upset that she was upset and not being able to stop it.

"It's okay." She finally said, and no it wasn't the right time nor place to say it, and she was fumbling her words here. It didn't help that Max seemed more upset now, shrugging her arm away and moving to stand.

Victoria followed, on her feet after her and she knew she didn't have a right, didn't deserve to be in the position she was in, but her heart was aching and she couldn't see past that.

Hands were on her, hard, Max pushed back against her chest and Victoria stumbled the other way, moving so she didn't hit the bed. Her leg skid against the frame anyway.

Max was heaving breathes with arms at her side, looking distorted and in the shadow of her room. Her face streaked with fresh tears.

"No."

Victoria didn't have anything more to say. She kept her mouth closed, turned and left, leaving the door opened behind her.

Before going to bed she pulled out her phone and pulled up the video she had of Kate on the roof. She deleted it and tossed it down by her feet. It wasn't hard to get to sleep after that. She was exhausted.

The next day Victoria stepped out of her room. Max's white board was read: Look at yours.

Victoria blinked and turned around to her own white board. A word had been added, written in all caps over the quote from Gandhi she had put up. Now it read: DON'T be the change you wish to see. She stared at it for a time, unable to process what she was feeling.

She left it alone and headed for the showers.


End file.
